Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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