You made me cry and you don't even care
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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