from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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