You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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