if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You peed on a flamingo?!?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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