Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
