god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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