Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
