I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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