Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
