Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
