you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
