Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
