How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
