Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
