Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
