Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
