Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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