Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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