A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
