Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
