I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
God, I missed his penis.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
