omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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