I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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