I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
