My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
