Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
