I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
