I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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