I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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