is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
