Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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