you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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