i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
