i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
