I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
