So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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