I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize