Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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