dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
