i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
