For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
