Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
