I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
