Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
