maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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