He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
