I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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