Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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