I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
