An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
soo... how was my night?
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