Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
