I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
