sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
