I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
