We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
