I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
