I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
