his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
