I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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