Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
