Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
