I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
