Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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