Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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