the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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