Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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