I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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