the condom got lost in my hair
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
