would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
