She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
