I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
