dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
